unfolded in parts. read at your own pace.
you probably remember this already
this letter stands on its own — you don’t need to open anything else to read it. but part of its heart quietly lives there too, in a small moonlight sanctuary I made for you long before any of this hurt. no pressure at all. only if you feel like it, whenever you feel like it, you can wander through it.
Our Moonlight Sanctuary — “you turned the background noise of the world into a quiet, beautiful melody. your presence doesn’t just brighten my day — it illuminates my entire soul. I’ve fallen in love with every part of who you are — beyond your breathtaking beauty, the radiance of your soul, your endless empathy, your courage.”
My Promise & Reassurance — I promised you I will never leave you. not when distance stretches, not when time zones crackle, not when life gets complicated. I will love you on your beautiful days and on your broken days equally, never make you feel like a burden, tell you the truth with kindness, celebrate every win, and earn your family’s trust. “You are more than enough. You have always been enough. And I choose you — every single day.” January is coming, and every promise will be standing there with me.
Your Nursing Path — I am so proud of you choosing to ease others’ pain for a living. nursing will demand everything at once — but your empathy is a gift not everyone has. “You are not alone in this. I am cheering for you from every corner of this earth, counting down until I can cheer for you in person.” I will sit with you through every exam, every exhausting shift, every milestone until you stand in that uniform, radiant.
Your Grandfather & the Dargah — the way you speak about your grandfather, so tenderly, made me love you more. your wish to visit the Dargah beside him, holding his hand in spiritual stillness — I want to be quietly beside you both when I finally get to Australia. a dua for him, for keeping the light that shaped you. one day we will make that visit together — you, him, and me. I promise.
Our Poetry & Our Song — “main door se apni aankhon se dekh kar kyun mohabbat karoon, jab meri aankhein aapke liye tarasti hain…” — every shayari, every imperfect word was written straight from the heart for you. and Perfect by Ed Sheeran — “every line feels like it was written directly about you and me.”
only if you want to — no rush, no expectation. just there if you feel like revisiting.
maheen-moonlight-love.pages.dev — only if you want →I never wanted to argue with you.
When emotions got high, I said ten things when I really only meant one. I wanted to explain what was happening inside me without making you feel like you had to defend yourself.
I just didn’t know how to speak without sounding broken.
When you told me you had feelings for someone else, something inside me dropped.
I know feelings are complicated. I know you didn’t necessarily intend to hurt me. But from my side, it still felt like betrayal.
Not because I thought you owed me your feelings— but because I couldn’t understand how something I thought was becoming a future could suddenly have someone else inside it.
The hardest question wasn’t: “Why him?”
It was: “Was I really not enough?”
I regret the moments where anger became louder than the person I actually want to be.
I regret anything that made you feel unsafe or pressured. I can understand that my hurt doesn’t excuse that.
I wish I had been calmer. I wish I had given things air instead of suffocating them with fear.
I understand that trust isn’t something you can demand. I understand why distance makes things harder. I understand that words from someone online don’t automatically prove who they are.
Trust comes from time. Consistency. Actions. Reality.
I know you were only trying to protect your own heart.
I wanted you to see me as Taha.
Not a profile. Not a username. Not another person from the internet.
That’s why I wanted a real conversation. Not to interrogate you. Not to convince you.
Just so you could see my face, hear my voice, and know there was a real person on the other side of everything.
I wanted to build myself. Work. Business. Skills. Money. A future.
Australia was part of those plans. Meeting you in person was something I wanted someday.
I don’t say this to imply: “I did all of this for you, so you owe me.” Absolutely not.
The message is simply: I wanted to become someone who could back up his words. Even if nothing happened between us, I still wanted to become that person.
Love isn’t a transaction. Sacrifices aren’t a bill. Nobody owes somebody a relationship just because they cared deeply.
And two people can both have valid reasons for what they did, while one person is still genuinely hurt by it.
I used to be so sure about what I wanted. Now I’m not.
I don’t know if I’m still waiting. I don’t know if I’m letting go. I don’t know what happens next.
And for once… I’m not going to pretend I do.
still there, quietly — only if you ever feel like revisiting.
maheen-moonlight-love.pages.dev — only if you want →